Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much? (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931).

(Groucho Marx in A Day at the Races, 1937)

SheРІР‚в„ўs so in love with me, she doesnРІР‚в„ўt know anything.

(Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.

Oh, why canРІР‚в„ўt we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Oh, I know itРІР‚в„ўs a penny here and a penny there, but look at me.

Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce, and so will my wife.

If I hold you any closer, IРІР‚в„ўll be in back of you.I think youРІР‚в„ўve got something there, but IРІР‚в„ўll wait outside until you clean it up.Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. I married your mother because I wanted children.IРІР‚в„ўm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and thereРІР‚в„ўll be no cover charge.IРІР‚в„ўd have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didnРІР‚в„ўt have a tape measure.I donРІР‚в„ўt have a photograph, but you can have my footprints.I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns.I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.On second thought, IРІР‚в„ўd rather dance with the cows till you come home. I could dance with you until the cows come home.I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I canРІР‚в„ўt see the stove.Get some onions, thatРІР‚в„ўll make your eyes water. Hello? Yes? Ice water in 318? Is that so? WhereРІР‚в„ўd you get it? Oh, you want some.Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but donРІР‚в„ўt let that fool you: he really is an idiot.Either heРІР‚в„ўs dead or my watch has stopped.DonРІР‚в„ўt look now, but thereРІР‚в„ўs one man too many in this room, and I think itРІР‚в„ўs you.But what makes wage slaves? Wages! ( Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929).

Funny quotes from Groucho Marx, master of the one-linerР”Р‡unny quotes from Groucho Marx - both from his most famous movies as one of the Marx Brothers (Duck Soup, A Day at the Races, A Night at the Opera, etc.)

Marx brothers quote